Nip/SUCK

It's not quite accurate to say that Nip/Tuck has "jumped the shark."

It's more like the show has driven off a cliff and burst into flames and now everyone involved is burning to death slowly and painfully. It's absolutely horrible but impossible to look away.

Although I suspect after last night's highly disappointing, downright laughable (and not in a good way), season finale many people will, in fact, look away. Ryan Murphy has probably killed his baby. Not that he cares, he's on to a film career where he can ruin other people's stories (the trailer for his probably disappointing first feature actually previewed during last night's episode, even though the film won't be released until next fall).

This season had one big driving force in The Carver but when the killer's identity was finally revealed it turned out to be the most obvious candidate. But that was less offensive than the cheap horror-movie theatrics that played out over the final half-hour, complete with hackneyed intercutting with the episode's B-story involving Matt and one more entirely-too-obvious Big Twist. There was none of the great trashy fun that elevated last season's ludicrous Famke Janssen/Alec Baldwin-driven finale.

That might be because, aside from The Carver (who popped in and out all season long), the season was a unfocused mess with a handful of great guilty pleasure moments overshadowed by terminal self-importance. That's always been Nip/Tuck's greatest problem. It's as if Melrose Place decided it was The Sopranos without realizing that the key to great human drama is to have characters who are recognizably human.

None of this is new, the show has been in a downward spiral ever since it premiered (it clearly peaked with the pilot), but things are getting truly ugly. The sad fact is much of season three was a bore. Despite the best efforts of the better cast members (most notably Joely Richardson and Julian McMahon), I don't think there was a single emotional moment that worked. But credible human drama was pretty much abandoned halfway through season two in favor of outrageous you-can't-do-that-on-television! moments. Unfortunately this season there wasn't enough trash to fill the void. Plotline after plotline fell flat: Matt's racist girlfriend, the bisexual new partner, Sean's romance with a mafia wife (a very poorly utilized Anne Heche), Julia opening a spa.

I know they probably won't but I think it's time to close up shop at McNamara/Troy. There's just nothing left. Last night's finale ended with another reconciliation between Sean and Julia. But now that the Carver is gone will anyone care?

The better question is should anyone care? And the answer is obvious.

And the nominees for Best Original Song are...

"Do the Hippogriff" from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
"I'd Have It All (If I Had Drew)" from My Date With Drew
"I'll Whip Ya Head Boy" from Get Rich or Die Tryin'
"It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" from Hustle & Flow
"Nobody Jesus But You" from Palindromes
"You're Gonna Die Soon" from Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic

Hey, it could happen—and, yes, monkeys could fly out of my butt (excellent)—because all of these songs are on the "shortlist" of original songs eligible for Oscar consideration.

Lists like this are common for other categories (from special effects to documentary film) but this is the first time it's been done for original song and the results are kind of surprising. Only two of the five songs nominated for a Golden Globe are even eligible (although the Globes had their own bizarre selection in Christmas In Love, a movie that apparently has no U.S. release date).

Of course what would awards talk be without a mention of Brokeback Mountain? The movie applies here because its original song "A Love That Will Never Grow Old," written by the esteemed Gustavo Santaolalla and Bernie Taupin and sung by the magnificent Emmylou Harris, is not eligible. Apparently the music branch who judged the submissions decided that the song was not featured prominently enough in the film and is therefore not eligible for a nomination (it plays, very briefly and quietly, on the radio in Jack Twist/Jake Gyllenhaal's truck).

So there's one Oscar Brokeback Mountain definitely won't win (the situation is a bit reminiscent of the way scores from nomination-favorites The Aviator and Million Dollar Baby were left out of contention last year).

Actually, I'm kind of glad because I'm hoping all of the attention of the category will shift to Dolly Parton's "Travelin' Thru" from Transamerica. I have yet to really discuss the film here and I doubt I ever will (there simply isn't much to say other than it's well intentioned but a little too indie, and entirely too broad, to be effective), but Dolly's song is one of the year's cinematic highlights and deserves recognition. I love her to death and when that song unexpectedly rolled over the end credits it made sitting through the whole damn movie worthwhile (I was similarly grateful for Kanye West's "Jesus Walks" at the end of Jarhead, but that song, of course, is not original to the film).

Without Brokeback in the running I expect Parton's song may be joined by the eligible song from Narnia (which is not Alanis Morissette's Globe-nominated "Wunderkind"), the original song from The Producers, the song from Dreamer and possibly a song from Hustle & Flow.

But I swear to God if the pimp beats Dolly... well, "I'll Whip Ya Head Boy!"

Then again there's the song from Crash, some bizarre thing from Constant Gardener, a song from Corpse Bride (I wonder why just one?), a Carly Simon song from Pooh's Huffalump Movie (if they aren't embarrassed enough to nominate something from Pooh's Huffalump Movie) and various other possibilities. They also may choose to only nominate three songs. Or they may just decide life simply isn't worth living after listening to all the eligible songs from Palindromes.

My own wish is that Hitchhiker's Guide To the Galaxy's "So Long and Thanks For All the Fish" joins Dolly as a finalist.

But what was I saying about monkeys flying out of my butt?

Golden

A lot of surprising/bewildering selections this morning for Golden Globe nominations.

As expected Brokeback Mountain led the charge (although it missed out on one easy nom - Jake Gyllenhaal in the supporting category). Not so expected was the dismissal of Munich and King Kong. The former was viewed as a strong contender all year long but is now starting to be seen as a minor disappointment (and it still hasn't even been released), while the latter was a film that appeared to be gaining ground due to rapturous reviews and expected phenomenal box office. Both were nominated for Best Director but only landed one other nomination each (Munich for screenplay and Kong for score). Their omission in the big picture category (and all the acting categories) will not help their award profiles. But both films could simply be late bloomers, gaining traction in the coming weeks if they perform well at the box office. (For a clue about what might be holding Kong back, check out the reviews on the negative side of its metacritic page.)

In any event this year's awards are looking more unpredictable than normal, which is good. And it's hard to fault the films the Globes did select for Best Picture - Drama (although I still need to see two of them):

Brokeback Mountain
The Constant Gardener
Good Night, And Good Luck.
A History of Violence
Match Point

Five of the best reviewed movies of the year. It's really nice that there's no lazy selections, like a Memoirs of a Geisha or a Crash, in this bunch.

In the comedy/musical category the five nominees are:

Mrs. Henderson Presents
Pride & Prejudice
The Producers
The Squid and the Whale
Walk the Line

A less impressive category. Walk the Line is the year's laziest award favorite and while I haven't seen Henderson or Producers yet, something tells me there were better (but not as obvious) selections to be made. But Walk the Line should easily win this anyway, setting up a potential showdown with Brokeback Mountain for Oscar's Best Picture (they are currently the only two locks for nominations, although Good Night, and Good Luck. is holding its own).

Among the other choices:

Bad news for the non-nominated Eric Bana (Munich), Naomi Watts (King Kong), Diane Keaton (The Family Stone), Gong Li (Memoirs of a Geisha) and Joan Allen (and Upside of Anger co-star Kevin Costner). The first three especially have been ignored by nearly every group so far this week, despite a lot of buzz in their favor. Even more dead in the water: Terrence Malick's The New World, which is getting no love from anyone.

Good news for the nominated Terrence Howard (Hustle & Flow), David Straitharin (Good Night, And Good Luck.), Shirley MacLaine (In Her Shoes) (yay) and Matt Dillon (Crash) (barf), who have all become stronger contenders now. It's still possible the Globes will be the end of the line for one or any of them but showing up here should help fuel their campaigns.

Little indie darling The Squid & the Whale had a good showing with its comedy picture nomination and recognition for "leads" Jeff Daniels and Laura Linney, but oddly its script, which had been getting a lot of attention, was left out (the Globes don't separate adapted and original, so that didn't help). Expect the situation to change come Oscar time, when the movie's script might be the only nomination it receives.

Maria Bello's nomination for A History of Violence is a great thing but it's also bizarre on two counts. First, she was submitted as lead actress although most other places she'll go the supporting route. Catherine Zeta-Jones did the same thing for Chicago and won an Oscar, but I just don't understand the theory behind category confusion. Second, her nomination is the only nom for History of Violence besides best picture! No Viggo Mortensen actor nom, no Cronenberg directing nom, no supporting actor mention or even original score! Obviously these things happen in competitions, but it's still a little weird.

The big thing the Globes proved is that there are a lot of well-liked films this year, but no clear favorites (other than Brokeback).

On the TV side the selections were almost laughable in their over-the-top recognition of Hot New Shows. Three of the six nominees for comedy series and four of the five for drama are in their first year of Globes eligibility. The only show nominated for a series prize that has been on the air longer than two seasons is Curb Your Enthusiasm (and thank god they at least included that).

Two of the most notable snubs: Deadwood and Arrested Development. Two of the year's best series, both nominated for zero awards. (Deadwood isn't even old! This was only its second season!) The Globes also turned their backs on FX in a major way, the only nomination for the quality cable channel went to Glenn Close for The Shield (last year's drama series winner, Nip/Tuck, was deservedly shut out but why no attention for Rescue Me?).

ABC was the Globes' network of choice this year thanks to its big shows Desperate Housewives, Lost, Grey's Anatomy and Commander-in-Chief. All of those nabbed at least two acting noms (all four Housewives got in this year and Lost scored its first ever Globe acting noms courtesy of Matthew Fox and Naveen Andrews - where's Terry O'Quinn?). Consider it the new FX (which was already the new HBO).

Also benefiting from the everything-new-is-Golden approach was Showtime's Weeds, which seemed like an obvious contender and didn't disappoint with noms for the show and actresses Mary-Louise Parker and Elizabeth Perkins. Don't be surprised to see Parker take down all the Housewives (although anyone but Teri Hatcher could conceivably win that category).

I suggest all TV nominees celebrate a lot and right now. Because half of them won't be invited back next year.

Prepare for Brokebacklash

With Brokeback Mountain racking up awards left and right, to go with its record per-screen averages, it'll only be days (maybe even minutes) before someone starts proclaiming "hey, wait a minute, it ain't that great." Whatevs. The great thing about this one is that if someone doesn't like it you can call them a homophobe, and then they'll get all mad at you and try to prove they're not. Try it, it's fun!

Anyway, the latest big prize to come Brokeback's way is Best Picture from the New York Film Critics Circle. The group also selected Ang Lee as Best Director and Heath Ledger as Best Actor.

Taking another cue from their L.A. counterparts the New Yorkers also honored A History of Violence by naming William Hurt and Maria Bello as the year's best supporting players. They went a lot more mainstream when it came to Best Actress, giving the prize to Oscar frontrunner Reese Witherspoon.

If there's one other thing that's emerging as a consistent critics' fave this year besides Brokeback it's the screenplay for The Squid and the Whale. The Noah Baumbach script has picked up prizes from New York, L.A. and the day's other major group to announce: the National Board of Review.

The Board has been under heavy scrutiny this year (for reasons too complex and boring to even mention) and they're frequently viewed as a little tacky, but they're really old (older than the Oscars) and they're not going anywhere. However, this year's announcement feels less interesting than normal, mostly because what makes the group special is they're usually first.

This year they're another voice in the chorus, albeit one that proclaimed Good Night, And Good Luck. the Best Picture of 2005. Brokeback was still heavily honored in the form of Ang Lee as Best Director and Jake Gyllenhaal as Best Supporting Actor.

The film also landed on the Board's top ten list, which was topped by Good Night and then listed in alphabetical order:

Brokeback Mountain
Capote
Crash
A History of Violence
Match Point
Memoirs of a Geisha
Munich
Syriana
Walk the Line

The Board agreed with the L.A. critics and chose Philip Seymour Hoffman as Best Actor (which sets the stage for a Hoffman/Ledger showdown at the Globes, SAG and Oscars). Their most questionable choices came in the female acting categories with the selection of two of the year's most unjustly overhyped performances: Felicity Huffman in Transamerica and Gong Li in Memoirs of a Geisha.

One more interesting thing to note: in a sign of the strong year for quality animation each major group has so far selected a different film for Best Animated Feature. L.A. picked Wallace & Gromit, New York went for Howl's Moving Castle and NBR opted for Corpse Bride. Again, I can't stress enough how much I hope these three are the finalists for the animated feature Oscar.

Tomorrow brings the Golden Globe nominations where Brokeback should score in a major way. It's likely to land eight noms (Drama Picture, Drama Actor, Supporting Actor, Supporting Actress, Director, Screenplay, Score, Original Song), which would be an impressive Globes showing indeed.

Award watchers will be looking closely at how Globe voters treat several other major contenders including Munich, King Kong, Walk the Line, Good Night, And Good Luck., Capote, Match Point, Cinderella Man, Memoirs of a Geisha and Crash. A History of Violence may even be in for a surprisingly strong showing. All but Walk the Line (a "musical") are angling for Best Picture - Drama nominations, which will leave a lot of disappointed contenders.

Season Finale: Survivor: Guatemala

Congratulations to Danni Boatwright (yep, that's her name) for winning Survivor: Guatemala. It was a rather unpredictable outcome for what had been an unusually smooth season.

I usually hate watching the show for at least half of each season but this time none of the irritating players made it very far (except for Judd, and he didn't last nearly as long as I thought he would) and this is the first time in memory I didn't find any of the players who made it to the final four incredibly annoying. Even my early apprehension about the "stunt casting" of Stephenie and Bobby Jon never developed into a serious distraction.

A couple of weeks ago I would've picked Danni and Rafe as the best final two, but I didn't think that would ever be possible. The fact that it almost happened was pretty shocking. Although I stopped rooting for Rafe right before the finale (after he started badmouthing Cindy for her decision to keep the car she won), I would've ultimately preferred to see a Rafe/Steph showdown at the end. It would've been fitting to see the two strongest players face off.

But Danni won the final immunity with ease and I think we can guess what would've happened if Rafe and Steph had faced the jury. For Steph to play the game as well as she did and only receive one vote (from Rafe) in the end says a lot about the bitterness and resentment the jury felt toward her. Steph has twice proven herself as one of the game's strongest players, it's just too bad she never got the ultimate prize.

Everyone's a winner!

The annual orgy of movie awards kicked into high gear this weekend with several major announcements, and it's not surprising that Brokeback Mountain received the most attention overall.

In the weekend's biggest announcement, Brokeback was voted Best Picture by the Los Angeles Film Critics Association. The runner-up was David Cronenberg's A History of Violence. Ang Lee won for best director, with Cronenberg as the runner-up.

They get no argument from me. There are still several films I need to see but those are currently my two favorites of the year.

Among the L.A. critics' other selections were Philip Seymour Hoffman as Best Actor for Capote (with Brokeback's Heath Ledger as runner-up), History of Violence's William Hurt as Best Supporting Actor (Frank Langella of Good Night, And Good Luck. as runner-up; neither actor is a real Oscar favorite yet) and Catherine Keener as Best Supporting Actress for her work in a quartet of films (although the org would've been wise to leave her nothing role in The Interpreter off their mention, and wiser still to opt for their runner-up, Junebug's Amy Adams, as the winner).

The oddball choice was Vera Farmiga as Best Actress for the very little seen indie Down to the Bone. Farmiga received an Indie Spirit nom last year (after the film's festival run) and won a prize at Sundance. I have little doubt her performance is excellent (I even blogged about her earlier this year) but the choice seems like a clear statement on the very weak field for lead actresses this year.

Then there was an announcement from the slightly less reputable Broadcast Film Critics Association, who go the nomination route and have many categories.

The six nominees selected in each acting category read like lists of top Oscar contenders, although among the missing are Eric Bana (Munich), Ralph Fiennes (The Constant Gardener), Naomi Watts (King Kong), Diane Keaton (The Family Stone) and Scarlett Johansson (Match Point). But having not seen most of those movies I can't say how surprising those omissions are. The double nominations for Terrence Howard are actually kind of nice. If any of the supporting actors from Crash have to be nominated it should be him.

They also nominate ten films for Best Picture, effectively creating their own "top ten" which is listed in alphabetical order:

Brokeback Mountain
Capote
Cinderella Man
The Constant Gardener
Crash
Good Night, and Good Luck.
King Kong
Memoirs of a Geisha
Munich
Walk the Line

If the voting was held a couple weeks later it wouldn't be surprising to see Memoirs of a Geisha off this list entirely. But it's basically all the major possibilities for Best Picture Oscar noms (minus maybe Syriana, Match Point and Mrs. Henderson Presents, maybe).

The American Film Institute's top ten list (selected by these people) is a little better, even though it still includes Crash:

(alphabetical order)
Brokeback Mountain
Capote
Crash
The 40-Year-Old Virgin
Good Night, and Good Luck.
A History of Violence
King Kong
Munich
The Squid and the Whale
Syriana

It's great to see Violence and Virgin in there.

AFI also released a TV top ten, which is notable mostly for its lack of Arrested Development (click the link above to see it). And Boston Film Critics and New York Online Film Critics made some picks too (yes, there's a critics group for nearly every city now). If you're really interested there are links to those here.

Tomorrow will bring yet another top ten (the delayed list from the National Board of Review along with the rest of their awards) and an announcement from the New York Film Critics. Then Golden Globe nominations on Tuesday.

Hit and miss

Nothing says Oscar like a sweeping epic grounded in tragic romance, but just because you build it doesn't mean the awards will come (just ask the filmmakers behind Snow Falling On Cedars or Cold Mountain). Two movies opening in limited release today perfectly illustrate both the perils and rewards of the Serious Movie.

The good one is Brokeback Mountain, which may turn out to be the best movie of the year. Christened long ago by the media as "the gay cowboy movie" (which reminds me of Cartman's South Park joke about how all indie movies involve "gay cowboys eating pudding"), Brokeback is a movie that defies such simplemindedness simply by being excellent. Yes Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal play gay cowboys, and yes, there's a lot more to it. Their love story isn't earth-shatteringly new, but thanks to the contributions of everyone involved it feels like it is. There's more humanity here than in anything else I've seen onscreen in 2005.

Romantic movies are rarely this deeply felt or passionately rendered and there's hardly a single aspect of Brokeback Mountain that isn't a resounding success. From the performances (Ledger has been an Oscar favorite for months now and I sincerely hope he will win, while Gyllenhaal and Michelle Williams are also deserving of nominations and the entire ensemble, including Anne Hathaway, Randy Quaid, Linda Cardellini and Kate Mara, is excellent) to the technical contributions (especially cinematography, editing, score) to the fantastic adapted screenplay by Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana (from Annie Proulx's well regarded short story) to the man in charge of it all: Ang Lee, a world-class director working in peak form. The movie spans decades but never loses its focus or its power. This one will be around for a long, long time.

I could continue gushing but I think you get the point. And I know I'll return to the topic in my top ten list for the year. In the meantime, if you've seen the movie and want to read more I suggest Kenneth Turan, Owen Gleiberman and especially J. Hoberman, who doesn't flat-out rave the movie (it is The Village Voice) but makes a lot of fantastic points.

While Brokeback is well on its way to a Best Picture Oscar nomination (and, who knows, maybe even a win), on the flip side is Memoirs of a Geisha. What appeared to be a lavish epic poised for Oscar glory is in reality just another disappointing adaptation of a bestselling book.

So many directors had been rumored to take on this project (from Steven Speilberg to Kimberly Peirce to-!-Spike Jonze) that it's easy to say the disappointment begins with the final selection of Rob Marshall, who makes this his follow-up to the unfortunate Oscar winner Chicago. (At least we can be grateful that Brett Ratner didn't get the gig.) After two movies Marshall has more than proven he can mount a lovely production, now he needs to pay closer attention to illuminating the emotional content of his scripts. The novel is supposedly rich in detail but, outside of the dazzling costume and production design, the movie feels utterly empty.

The acting isn't bad. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon co-stars Zhang Ziyi and Michelle Yeoh have been reunited here and it definitely feels so good. But both women are so captivating it makes the pain of the film's lack of depth even worse. They deserved more. That goes quadruple for the celebrated Gong Li, who manages a few moments of true grace in a role that is otherwise so hateful it defies logic. Youki Kudoh (the only Japanese actress in a central role) is the only actress who gets to play a range of behavior, and does it well. There are some guys in the movie too, but they're not very important.

In fact, the film's fatal flaw is its entirely unconvincing romance. The genesis of it is laughable and there's little chemistry between Zhang and default male lead Ken Watanabe. Although, to be fair, they are given so little screen time together that it's difficult to even develop it. (It also may not have helped that of all the key players Watanabe, the movie's lone Oscar nominee, is the one whose English I had the most trouble understanding. Actually the only one.)

Some movies, like Brokeback, make every second count. Geisha meanders and ultimately says nothing.

Oh no they didn't...

The Grammy nominations came out today (an announcement that I had pretty much forgotten about in my single-minded devotion to movieland's award season frenzy) and wow... they suck.

Sure, you can say complaining about the Grammys is like complaining about the weather, but the way I see it the music industry's big awards had actually been making some progress in recent years. They discovered hip hop, they stopped nominating so many easy listening/adult contemporary acts, they threatened to become cool (or at least cooler than they'd ever been before).

This year they blew it. Especially in the top category: album of the year.

I'm not expecting (or even asking for) the category to be filled with the likes of Arcade Fire, Fiona Apple and The New Pornographers. The Grammys, like most big awards, look for a mix of both critical and commercial success and I'm fine with that. Last year's album of the year nominees were: American Idiot (Green Day), The College Dropout (Kanye West), Confessions (Usher), The Diary of Alicia Keys (Alicia Keys) and Genius Loves Company (Ray Charles). A solid bunch.

This year we get:
Chaos and Creation in the Backyard - Paul McCartney
The Emancipation of Mimi - Mariah Carey
How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb - U2
Late Registration - Kanye West
Love. Angel. Music. Baby. - Gwen Stefani

I approve of Kanye.

As for the others: Gwen delivered a fine pop album and the nomination is no worse than Usher last year, so fine I can easily live with that. But... Paul McCartney? Sure, the reviews weren't awful but this smacks of out-of-touch voters (it probably came down to this or Springsteen for the token veteran spot). Sadly, the same can be said of the U2 nomination. I love the group, I really do, but they don't need to be nominated every time out and their spot here clearly should have gone to a more interesting mainstream rock album like The White Stripes' Get Behind Me Satan, or hell even Coldplay's X&Y.

As for the recently emancipated Mimi... you certainly can't cite the critics to support that. She may have strong sales but damn, is it in any way necessary to encourage her like this? I can understand that living in the era of the Simpson sisters and Lindsay Lohan has lowered the bar but come on voters, blindfold yourself and throw a dart at the Billboard chart and you'll hit a better album than this. An obvious substitute nominee: John Legend, who had a deservedly strong showing overall and would've been a much better fit here.

The nominations weren't all bad. Record of the Year (given to a single song) has a couple solid selections in Gorillaz's Feel Good Inc. and Green Day's Boulevard of Broken Dreams (and Kanye's Gold Digger and Gwen's Hollaback Girl are at least fun).

Then there's the "alternative music" album category, almost always a pleasure:
Funeral - The Arcade Fire
Guero - Beck
Plans - Death Cab For Cutie
You Could Have It So Much Better - Franz Ferdinand
Get Behind Me Satan - The White Stripes

Arcade Fire also got a nom for their original song from the final season of Six Feet Under and White Stripes and Franz Ferdinand both received an additional nom.

And Fiona, who mysteriously never gets enough Grammy love, was nominated for "Best Pop Vocal Album" for Extraordinary Machine (where she faces McCartney, Stefani, Kelly Clarkson and Sheryl Crow, what a quintet).

The Grammys aren't American Idol snobs either, nominating Kelly for two awards and Fantasia for three (plus a songwriting nomination for a track from her album that doesn't count as a personal nom for her).

But still, it's hard to believe that just two years ago the album of the year nominees were: Under Construction (Missy Elliott), Fallen (Evanescence), Speakerboxxx/The Love Below (Outkast), Justified (Justin Timberlake) and Elephant (The White Stripes).

Ah, memories.

Beginning of the End

Arrested Development returns, briefly, to Fox's schedule beginning tonight.

I'd tell you to watch, but if you're a fan I know you will. And if you've never seen the show it's better to start from the beginning with seasons 1 and 2 on DVD.

It's not like anything can keep the show going at this point anyway.

[Kitchen Confidential returns to the schedule as well, with an episode reuniting former Alias co-stars Bradley Cooper and Michael Vartan. I never really mentioned the Kitchen cancellation, partly because it's not nearly as big a loss as Arrested Development, but it's too bad the promising-but-not-quite-great-yet show didn't get a longer run. Meanwhile, Stacked remains on Fox's schedule for the foreseeable future.]

Tooned in

Yes, there are awards for everything in entertainment, including awards specifically for animation. The Annie Awards have been going on for over 30 years now but I imagine they've only become truly competitive in the last decade.

Their choices for this year's best animated films are obvious, but difficult to fault:

Best Animated Feature
Chicken Little – Walt Disney Feature Animation
Corpse Bride – Warner Bros. Presents A Tim Burton/Laika Entertainment Production
Howl’s Moving Castle – Walt Disney Studios/Studio Ghibli
Madagascar – DreamWorks Animation
Wallace & Gromit – The Curse of the Were-Rabbit – Aardman Features

Even better though are their picks in the directing category:

Directing in an Animated Feature Production
Mike Johnson, Tim Burton “Corpse Bride” – Warner Bros. Presents A Tim Burton/Laika Entertainment Production
Hayao Miyazaki “Howl’s Moving Castle” – Walt Disney Studios/Studio Ghibli
Nick Park, Steve Box – “Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit” – Aardman Features

Since only three films will be nominated for this year's Animated Feature Oscar it would be nice, though unlikely, for the Oscar finalists to match the above list.

One more category worth singling out:

Voice Acting in an Animated Feature Production
Helena Bonham Carter – Voice of Lady Campanula Tottington “Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit” – Aardman Features
Ralph Fiennes – Voice of Victor Quartermaine “Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit” – Aardman Features
Peter Sallis – Voice of Wallace “Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit” – Aardman Features
Nicholas Smith – Voice of Reverend Clement Hedges “Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit” - Aardman Features

I think we have our winner.

A little less Spirit-ed

The Independent Spirit Award nominations are out today, the first key announcement of the film awards season. Not that reading this list will give you a good indication of the eventual Oscar nominees. The Spirit Awards are fun because their focus is more narrow than most award groups and their selections are often offbeat, occasionally recognizing films that have only played film festivals and have no distribution deals.

That said, this year's crop feels a little more conventional than usual. Compare this year's Best Feature nominees (Brokeback Mountain, Capote, Good Night and Good Luck, The Squid and the Whale, The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada) to last year's (Baadasssss!, Kinsey, Maria Full of Grace, Primer, Sideways).

Choices like Baadasssss! and Primer were only-at-the-Spirits outside the box selections. The same can't be said of Capote, Good Night and Squid, which are all heavyweights on the art film circuit in terms of box office, critical and media attention. Brokeback has yet to open but it's already a significant critical success and a (deserved) Oscar frontrunner. Only Three Burials feels remotely like a maverick pick (the yet-to-be-released movie could still become a Big Deal, although that seems unlikely). The nominating committee didn't even have to go back very far to come up with this group: the "oldest" movie on the list is Capote which opened in September, Good Night and Squid debuted a week later and the two westerns bow next month. (However, if you're going by festivals, Squid is the oldest since it premiered at Sundance. It's the only Sundance movie nominated for best feature.)

The five movies nominated for best feature also dominated the overall list. Squid and the Whale earned the most noms (6) and its feature competitors all landed four. No other movie was nominated in more than three categories.

The spring and summer indie sensations were relegated to the "Best First Feature" category (like Crash and Me and You and Everyone We Know) or less (like Junebug's noms for supporting actress, yay for Amy!, and first screenplay, Mysterious Skin's nom for director, Broken Flowers' nom for supporting actor, Hustle & Flow's nom for actor).

Maybe it means the "bigger" indie movies released at the end of the year are simply better. Frankly I haven't seen enough of them yet to say (someday soon I will see Capote and Good Night and Good Luck, I truly will), but if the Spirit Awards really are getting more predictable, and/or more reflective of the Oscars and critics groups, they risk losing their unique charm.

Take a look at this category:

BEST MALE LEAD
Jeff Daniels, The Squid and the Whale
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
Terrence Howard, Hustle & Flow
Heath Ledger, Brokeback Mountain
David Strathairn, Good Night, and Good Luck.

All great performances, no doubt, but last year the committee found room for Kevin Bacon in The Woodsman and Jeff Bridges in The Door in the Floor (not to mention Jamie Foxx for his festival-screened TV movie Redemption). This year's lower profile contenders, like Joseph Gordon-Levitt in Mysterious Skin and Bill Murray in Broken Flowers, weren't so lucky.

Then again...

BEST FEMALE LEAD
Felicity Huffman, Transamerica
Dina Korzun, Forty Shades of Blue
Laura Linney, The Squid and the Whale
S. Epatha Merkerson, Lackawanna Blues
Cyndi Williams, Room

This probably speaks to the larger issue of a lack of great, highly visible, roles for lead actresses but the category includes actresses from a feature nominee (Linney), a festival-screened TV movie (Merkerson), an ultra-low profile Sundance winner (Korzun), a film with no distribution deal (Williams) and a bona fide Oscar contender (Huffman). Sadly Huffman, as the Oscar contender, will probably win (even though her movie is awful it also earned nominations for first feature and first screenplay). I would've liked to have seen Miranda July in here for Me and You and Everyone We Know but it's a great mix anyway.

Next up in the frenzy is the National Board of Review's top ten list and winners on December 7, followed by LA and New York critics group announcements and the Golden Globe noms (on Dec. 13).

Good Girls

I don't know how tonight's episode will be but it's worth noting that last week's episode of Gilmore Girls, written and directed by series mastermind Amy Sherman-Palladino, was the best of the season so far. Like several other of my TV favorites *cough*Lost&DesperateHousewives*cough*, Gilmore has been having a rather erratic season. But episodes like last week's prove the show is still far from overused jump-the-shark territory.

The great divide that opened up between Rory and Lorelai was always more interesting in theory than execution so it was a relief to finally see them reconcile, but the bonus was that this was an almost perfect episode start to finish. There were actually several scenes, most notably Luke and Lorelai's dinner table argument and Emily and Lorelai's jet-set discussion, that rank with the series' best. And the episode was even entirely free of loathsome Logan!

I have a few quibbles (I'm not sure what to make of the idea of Luke's daughter, but I immediately disliked the actress playing her, and Rory's sudden determination after an editor gives her a compliment only made her look even more foolish than she did by dropping out of Yale—is she really that influenced by what other people think?) but overall I thought it was one of the best hours of broadcast TV so far this season.

Given the state of the current season you could read that as faint praise, but in this case it isn't.

Potterheads

By this point you're either with Harry Potter or you're against him (dirty muggles!), so whether or not you see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (or even read the rest of this post) should be an easy call.

There's nothing in director Mike Newell's film version of the fourth Potter tale to convert new fans but nothing to turn off old ones either. It's a solid 2 1/2 hour action epic that hits all the major points of a long and complex book, includes a staggering amount of characters, brings a magical world to dazzling life with astonishing special effects and top notch craft contributions and will likely be near-incomprehensible for anyone not well schooled in the world of Hogwarts, Voldemort and Quidditch.

The movie doesn't match the artistic heights of Alfonso Cuaron's Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, but it has enough energy and imagination (and makes enough alterations to the source material) that it won't draw the ire of those upset with Chris Columbus' slavishly faithful first two films in the series.

The cast is as solid as ever with reliable supporting players like Michael Gambon, Maggie Smith and Alan Rickman in typically fine form and perfectly cast newcomers Brendan Gleeson and Ralph Fiennes adding to the fun. Unfortunately Miranda Richardson, another newbie, doesn't make much of an impact as ethics-challenged journalist Rita Skeeter, but her role has been drastically cut down from the novel and rendered nearly superfluous.

The kids are still the kids. After four movies they pretty much are the characters and they do what's required, though I think it will take other roles in other films to accurately judge their skills. In this movie they have the most fun with the story's enjoyable excursion into romance courtesy of a holiday dance that stirs up awkwardness, confusion, jealousy and everything else that goes with young love.

I was impressed with how much of the book's plot made it to the screen and can't find much fault in any of the significant changes. Even the long-winded ending survives (and packs a strong emotional punch). In one of the film's best ideas there's an increased role for a minor young character which allows the movie to completely jettison the book's house elves subplot without missing a narrative step.

The Potter movies may not be for everyone, but I can't think of any other Hollywood franchise that has remained this vibrant and interesting for four films (the continually evolving Bond series doesn't really count). Bring on number five!

The Man in Black (and a Man in Drag)

Walk the Line, which opens today, just might be the year's first bona fide contender for a Best Picture Oscar nomination. But that says more about the Academy's often antiquated selections than the quality of the film itself.

This film version of Johnny Cash's life, as directed by James Mangold (who peaked with Copland and has since given us Girl, Interrupted, Kate & Leopold and Identity), so strongly echoes a certain Best Picture nominee from last season that it might as well be called "Ray 2: This Time It's Country!" It's all here: the drugs, the infidelity, the haunting childhood memories, the music that changed the world.

It's tempting to write the movie off as a broken record, but there are pleasures to be had anyway. Cash's music is strong (duh) but the surprise is that every actor in the film does their own singing. Joaquin Phoenix isn't Cash (duh) but he does a pretty good vocal impersonation (and his performance is so deeply felt that it's silly to nitpick about areas in which he's not just like Johnny). Actors playing minor roles of Roy Orbison, Elvis Presley and Jerry Lee Lewis do their part also. The music, produced by T-Bone Burnett, sounds simply fantastic; the movie is most alive whenever it's onstage.

But as great as the music is the movie has one more tremendous thing going for it: the performance of Reese Witherspoon as June Carter. This may be Cash's movie but it's his slow-burning relationship with Carter that drives the narrative and allows Witherspoon to steal the film away from its leading man. She brings so much heart, humor, charm and honesty to the role that she single-handedly makes the whole thing worth seeing. Witherspoon embodies the role so well that it becomes the dramatic equivalent to her brilliant comedic turn in Election (high praise indeed) and will quite possibly get her the Oscar she deserved back in 2000.

Opening in more limited release (and unlikely to ever get very far beyond the biggest markets) is Breakfast On Pluto, the latest film from Irish filmmaker Neil Jordan but probably better described as the movie where Cillian Murphy—most recently seen in villianous roles in Batman Begins and Red Eye—plays a transvestite, Patrick "Kitten" Braden, in 1960s Ireland.

If there's much reason to see the movie at all, which is silly and unsubstantial and episodic in a generally unfufilling way, it would be for Murphy's entirely committed performance. Slightly androgynous to begin with Murphy is ideally cast but it's the performance and not the character that resonates. Bad news for a movie that's basically a character study.

The film unfolds in a series of "chapters" that are loosely built around Kitten's search for his birth parents but there's not much to the story, which was adapted from a book by Patrick McCabe (just like Jordan's previous film, The Butcher Boy). The soundtrack, however, is packed with lively and smart song selections and there are fun supporting turns by several of Jordan's former leading men: Liam Neeson and Brendon Gleeson are the most enjoyable but Stephen Rea isn't bad either (Crying Game fans will be amused at his reaction when Murphy's character confesses his natural born gender).

Further Developments

I'll move on soon, I promise, but for now check out Tim Goodman's San Francisco Chronicle column on Fox treating Arrested Development like an ugly stepchild even though they still have Stacked, Reunion and War at Home on their schedule.

He explains the (modest) reasons to be optimistic that it's not over yet (even though it is, it just is).

It was inevitable but...

still frustrating and disappointing and annoying and, yes, downright tragic.

But I'm dealing.

Thursday was an awful day in TV land: the morning after that hideous episode of Lost, the day Freddie was picked up for a full season and the day that Fox slammed the final nail into the coffin of Arrested Development. The show has been pulled from Fox's schedule for the rest of November, will return briefly in December and will be pulled again in January. At which point it will likely never return. And the number of episodes ordered for this season has been reduced from 22 to 13.

After three, oops, two and a half seasons, the funniest show on television is destined to become a part of TV history. Yes, some high quality shows have faded faster (even some on Fox: Andy Richter Controls the Universe, Profit, Undeclared, etc.), but no, none of them were better.

From a network perspective it had to be done: since moving to Mondays this season the show has delivered miserable ratings and its hour long airing last week was especially poor — more people watched Seventh Heaven (which, oddly, was cancelled on Thursday, but the announcement was only made to hype this season as its final one), a 9 p.m. airing of Girlfriends on UPN rated higher for the evening in viewers age 18-49, and, probably worst of all, lead-out Prison Break (one of Fox's only current "hits") saw its ratings drop.

But it hurts that this show is off of Fox's schedule while Stacked, Reunion, Killer Instinct and The War at Home remain. (At least for the moment... the only one of those shows likely to survive until January is The War at Home, already picked up for a full season, just like Freddie.)

It also hurts that this comes during a supposed renaissance in TV comedy. With the loss of Arrested the network comedy landscape is pretty barren. Since combining incessant voiceover with a parade of white trash cliches is NOT actually funny, the best half hour on network TV is now about Chris Rock's childhood. Which is cute but overly familiar. But I guess this is why the TV gods created cable and shows like Curb Your Enthusiasm, Extras, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Weeds.

And as for Arrested Development, we'll always have DVD.

Don't Read if You Haven't Seen Lost

Hmm, who should we kill? The annoying fat guy? The annoying new mother? The annoying redneck asshole? The annoying girl who can't act? The annoying hobbit?

Hey guys, I have an idea! Let's kill off the character we've explored the least! The actress whose talent we've only hinted at! The one who has a romance that's actually working! The only one with a personal connection to the character we killed off last season, so we never have to actually deal with the emotional repercussions of that!

We'll finally give her her own episode, make it clear how sad and pathetic and tragic she is and then WE'LL KILL HER! We'll have our most promising new cast member pull the trigger! That way we can stir up some nonsense with one of our Emmy nominees, instead of exploring his character in a new, less obvious direction! SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN!

Oh and next week, we'll do an episode exploring in full what we just told the entire audience happened. That way they'll be less surprised when we show how it happened and we can delay dealing with the stupid thing we just did. And put off dealing with everything else a little bit longer.

I mean people will keep watching, no matter what we do.

(sigh)

Battling boredom

In a generally disappointing year for movies the biggest disappointment for me so far was Sam Mendes' Jarhead. Unlike, say, Elizabethtown, which had bad festival buzz and a mediocre trailer as harbingers of an underwhelming final product, I saw Jarhead before the middling reviews and had only the well produced trailer, credentials of the cast and crew and Oscar-friendly release date to feed my expectations.

Sure Road to Perdition had its significant flaws but American Beauty is one of my all-time favorites, so I was eager to see what Mendes would deliver for his third film. And the cast is excellent: Jake Gyllenhaal, Peter Sarsgaard, Jamie Foxx, Chris Cooper and, before he was cut out of the final film, Sam Rockwell.

The good news is that Jarhead is hardly a crap film. It's well made, it's thoughtful, the performances are solid. There's nothing sloppy or stupid about it. No one involved has anything to be ashamed of (the one possible exception being a very embarrassing epilogue).

The bad news is that there's nothing very interesting, entertaining or enjoyable about it either.

It's more of an exercise than a movie, an existential riff on what it's like to be a soldier who undergoes dehumanizing basic training, gets shipped off to a desert in a very foreign land and is forced to wait and wait and wait for "something" to happen. The basic action of Jarhead goes something like this: you worry if your girlfriend back home is cheating, you question your sanity, you question the sanity of those around you, you wonder why you agreed to this in the first place and you wait some more. Jarhead revels in the tedium of the soldier's daily lives so much that it simply becomes tedious.

Possibly more shocking than how dull the movie is is its complete failure at getting inside these soldiers' heads. You might think by devoting so much screen time to hanging out, goofing off and getting into trouble we'd actually learn something about them. But every character remains at a distance from beginning to end.

I haven't read Anthony Swofford's memoir on which the film is based but I can't imagine that a first-person account of time spent as a sniper in desert storm would lack a personal touch that transforms the Marines from pure grunts into real people. I imagine by removing any such personal detail Mendes was aiming to turn one man's story into something more universal, but the end result is a lead character who is such a cipher that it's impossible to connect, or even care.

There's one preciously meta scene where the soldiers watch Apocalypse Now, which feeds their expectations - and possibly our own. While watching Jarhead I couldn't help but think of many other (better) war movies, not limited to Apocalypse Now: there are also scenes that recall Three Kings, Platoon, Full Metal Jacket, Born on the Fourth of July, etc. Eventually I even found myself longing for the simple-minded approach of Black Hawk Down (at least in Black Hawk Down's character-deficient story things happened).

Anything to squash the boredom.

Jumping the shark has jumped the shark

Someone named Bill "The Sports Guy" Simmons has a blog on ESPN's website.

I don't know who this guy is. I've never visited his blog before today. He could be brilliant. He could be a jackass.

But I love this comment (in a post about how Saturday Night Live has fallen apart):

Just for the record, I hate playing the "jumped the shark" card, the most overplayed angle on the web -- everyone is in a big race to say that something or someone isn't good anymore, whether it's a TV show, movie, musician, writer, web site or whatever -- and that mentality ties into how hostile the Internet has become in general. Everything sucks, everyone sucks, everyone's mailing it in, and so on. You just can't win.

So I thought I would share.

Breaking news: Reality TV isn't real

This article, about another article that exposes various ways producers fake up their reality shows, is pretty interesting.

I don't really find it disturbing that reality shows are manipulated for entertainment value, it seems as obvious as professional wrestling being fixed. The thing is is that the people on these shows are being judged and ridiculed/celebrated by everyone watching at home, just like any other characters on TV.

Except they aren't characters, they're real people.

And, true, a lot of them go on these shows just to be on TV and to become celebrities or semi-celebrities. I've seen them at parties. I judge them. They're gross.

But that's not everyone. And I think producers owe it to their audiences and their "cast members" to come clean about just how manipulated these shows are.

As sleazy as some of these "characters" on reality TV shows may seem, just think of the people behind the scenes, egging them on and putting them on television in the first place.

Who's sleazier?

And then there's...

Doom.

Which is what's in store for anyone who sees this movie.

I don't ask my videogame adaptations to have compelling characters or intricate plots but if a major movie comes from a major studio it owes the audience something more than they might expect from a quickie Sci Fi channel original. Yet Doom delivers less.

And it's from Universal, which has already delivered a couple decent B-movies this year: George A. Romero's Land of the Dead—rent it!—and, I'm making a safe assumption here, Joss Whedon's Serenity (which yes I know I should've seen instead of this).

In Doom, the monsters are generic, the characters are generic, the plot is generic, the action scenes are generic, the gore is generic, the attempt at a "twist" is generic (hint: The Rock plays an overzealous military officer). Get the picture?

I actually felt like The Rock was slumming it by appearing in the movie. Yes, the movie is beneath The Rock. This is Jean Claude Van Damme territory.

Just rent Alien vs. Predator instead.

Chick Flicks, Part 2

Considerably better than Domino or Elizabethtown, but still with some problems of its own, is North Country.

I'm glad I'm not a marketing person at Warner Bros. because I'm not sure how anyone could convince large numbers of people to see a film about a 1989 landmark sexual harassment case involving female mine workers in Minnesota. And I'm not really going to try to sell you on it here. The movie isn't successful or smart enough to overcome its why-this-why-now hurdles, in fact it sabotages itself dramatically in a few bizarre ways, but it's very nearly redeemed by a stellar cast who almost all deliver very solid work.

This is the kind of movie that immediately stirs up Oscar talk and once again Charlize Theron is remarkable in her commitment to a role, even if once again the movie lets her down. Taking Theron's performance simply for what it is, a credible and smart portrayal of an ordinary woman in extraordinary circumstances, she provides the movie's most compelling reason to be seen. Unlike her work in Monster, it's not one of those performances that is bigger (although it certainly is better) than the movie itself. I'm glad to see Theron, a perpetually underrated actress even post-Oscar, working at this level.

The fine supporting cast includes Frances McDormand (doing a minor variation on her Fargo accent and investing a stock character with an incredible amount of charm and credibility), Woody Harrelson, Sissy Spacek, Sean Bean and Richard Jenkins, who plays Theron's father and gives a sort of breakthrough dramatic performance that stands with his work in Six Feet Under and Flirting with Disaster as one of his best. It's really too bad he's not in more of the film. (It's also disappointing to see Jeremy Renner, so complex and creepy as the notorious serial killer in Dahmer, in the thinly-drawn role of primary sexual harasser.)

It's admirable that director Niki Caro chose to follow up her international breakthrough Whale Rider with this for her first Hollywood project but I wish she would find material better suited to her strong visual sense. Twice now she's delivered films that don't honestly earn their "you-go-girl!" audience cues.

Dramatically this movie cheats all over the place. McDormand and Jenkins are both so good that I didn't mind the goofy audience-manipulating nature of their characters, at least not so much. But eventually the movie sidetracks itself from its central issue and loses itself in a third-act flashback revelation seemingly designed to provide a stronger dramatic punch to the courtroom scenes. Yet it's such an unnecessary twist that all of a sudden the movie turns into an episode from The Practice's unfortunate later seasons. It's an awkward reveal and the courtroom scenes only grow more ridiculous after that.

Up to that point North Country comes across as noble but dull. Well-acted but shrug inducing. The subject matter never feels urgent, and although it's remarkable (and frightening) that all of this happened just a little over 15 years ago the filmmakers aren't able to find a way to make it matter for two hours on screen.

There's a rather unexpected antidote to all these underwhelming female-driven movies. Even with a strong pedigree, I wasn't expecting to enjoy In Her Shoes as much as I ultimately did.

The movie is probably the most chick flick-y of all these films (all the major characters are women and the primary issues are family and relationships) but it's the sort of smart, enjoyable entertainment for adults that makes such semi-condescending terms seem irrelevant. You don't need a vagina to like the movie, you just need a brain.

There is actually a man at the center of this, director Curtis Hanson, who continues his impressive career transformation from the go-to guy for thrillers like Bad Influence and The Hand That Rocks the Cradle to the helmer of diverse prestige projects L.A. Confidential, Wonder Boys and 8 Mile. Clearly Hanson is no longer interested in repeating himself. All his recent movies have in common is good acting, polished filmmaking and a commitment to story. I wouldn't place In Her Shoes at the same high level as his previous three films but it's a welcome addition to his body of work.

The movie may not have been as good without Hanson behind the camera but three very different, very interesting actresses do their part in front of the camera. The film's marketing tried, in part, to sell the movie on Cameron Diaz in a bathing suit and skimpy clothes but there's a lot more to her performance than that. I don't think anyone would claim Diaz is one of the best actresses of her generation but compare her career to many of her peers and you'll see a rare commitment to interesting projects (The Sweetest Thing excepted). Contrary to her ditzy reputation Diaz is clearly interested in doing good work, and she delivers here.

But Diaz's character is purposefully a little shallow and although she holds up her end it's not really her movie. Toni Collette has the great, juicy showcase role and makes the most of it. She's often thought of as an ace supporting, or character, actress but when Collette takes the lead (as in Muriel's Wedding, Clockwatchers or Japanese Story) the results are always fascinating. In a rather unspectacular year for lead actresses, Collette delivers a truly wonderful performance.

Yet even Collette is outdone by veteran Shirley MacLaine, who at age 70 adds another great role to her cinematic legacy. It takes awhile for her character to arrive in the story but once she does the film really takes off (this is a movie that requires, and rewards, audience patience). Although her character is a grandmother and lives in a retirement community, and although there's some of the best old folks humor since The Golden Girls, the most interesting thing about MacLaine's performance is the way that it's not defined by age. This isn't a typical senior citizen role, or even typical MacLaine (the character couldn't be further from her feistier turns in Steel Magnolias, Postcards from the Edge and Terms of Endearment). It's a potent reminder of both MacLaine's talents and the lack of compelling older characters in Hollywood films.

Considering the fine work of the actresses and the director it's difficult to say how much credit should go to Susannah Grant's script (adapted from a book that I've heard is pretty straight forward chick-lit) but following Erin Brockovich with this is either impressive work or very good luck (she'll make her directorial debut next year on a project starring Jennifer Garner and Timothy Olyphant).

There are many other good things about In Her Shoes (including supporting performances from Mark Feuerstein, Ken Howard, Brooke Smith, Francine Beers and Richard Burgi), and I'd recommend it to anyone. Chick or not.

Chick Flicks, Part 1

I've seen four movies in recent weeks that, for one reason or another, fit the bill. I'm tackling them in two parts. The bad ones are up first...

Starting with Domino, which is the least chick flick-y and also the worst. It flopped on release last weekend, no doubt because there's no stars and not much of an interesting hook.

The movie is based on the real life of Domino Harvey, daughter of Manchurian Candidate actor Laurence Harvey, who was, at various points in her life, a model and a bounty hunter. That's literally everything you learn about the real Domino from the movie, which uses her life as a jumping off point for an anything goes, contemporary "action" flick that attempts to elevate ADD filmmaking to an art-form (or at least a new cinematic language). It fails.

There's barely a shot in the film that lasts for more than a few seconds and everything is slowed down, sped up, replayed from various angles or otherwise manipulated... to zero effect. It's not cool, it's just silly. Anything that might have been cool is undercut by the fact that it's difficult to tell what the hell is happening most of the time. Yes, folks, this is the work of Tony Scott, the man behind Top Gun, Days of Thunder, The Last Boy Scout, etc. etc. He's finally made a film that would make even Michael Bay question the need for all the visual gimmicks.

Initially the script, by Donnie Darko's Richard Kelly, threatens to be amusing. Its pop-culture-sampling sensibility (the Jerry Springer show is recreated and Beverly Hills 90210 stars Brian Austin Green and Ian Ziering play themselves in small roles) suggests potential cult appeal, but it soon becomes so rambling, incoherent and, worst of all, mawkish that the feeble structure collapses entirely.

All of this leaves the actors totally stranded. That's a shame since Keira Knightley seems more than up to the task of playing an ass-kicking babe, if only she had something interesting to do. A few supporting actors show some spark, especially Christopher Walken and Mo'Nique (seriously, Mo'Nique), but by the time the main characters have an unexpected acid trip the already senseless movie bottoms out and it's still a long way from over.

Cameron Crowe's Elizabethtown unfortunately isn't that much better. I say this as a Cameron Crowe fan. I've liked all his movies. I even liked Vanilla Sky. But Elizabethtown just doesn't work.

There were quite a few moments when I couldn't even believe Crowe was responsible for what I was watching—usually during scenes where Kirsten Dunst babbles nonsensically about things like men seeing things in squares and women seeing things in circles or the mysteries of the phrase "that's what they say." She also says so-cute-you-want-to-strangle-her things like "I'm impossible to remember but hard to forget" and she does it all with a distracting and unnecessary in-and-out Southern accent.

Dunst may be annoying (this is a long way from her best grown-up screen work in Bring It On and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind) but Orlando Bloom is a crushing bore in the central role. As scripted, his character, who loses his cushy job at a major shoe company and almost immediately finds out his father has died, comes off as Jerry Maguire Lite, and Bloom can't find a way to make the character worth watching.

There are two things going on at once in Elizabethtown but the promising one comes off like a distraction: Bloom's character travels to his father's hometown, where his dad was visiting at the time of his death. There he reconnects with his dad's (stereo)typically eccentric Southern family and feels miserable he didn't know his father better.

The storyline gets an extra boost from supporting actors (Paul Schneider, Judy Greer, Loudon Wainwright, Paula Deen) who deserved more screen time, and a little more consideration from Crowe. Where's the writer who made every supporting character count in Jerry Maguire? While we're on the topic, Susan Sarandon and Alec Baldwin are also in the movie, but they have roles they could play in their sleep and it shows. They're easy to watch but there's no spark, no surprise. (In all fairness Crowe originally wanted to cast Jane Fonda in Sarandon's role of Bloom's mother, which demonstrates that he still has some good instincts.)

Unfortunately, most of the movie is dedicated to the romance between Bloom and Dunst, which never takes off. In one of the film's most bizarre miscalculations their relationship blossoms over a very long cell phone conversation of which we only hear only random strands of chatter (most of it nonsensical, as mentioned above). Eventually they're drowned out altogether by a Ryan Adams song on the soundtrack (even Crowe's usually spot-on sense of music is off: there's simply too much and the selections never convey any meaning, it's the first Crowe movie I wouldn't even bother buying a soundtrack for).

Ok, so they talk for a long time, but what are they connecting over? Mutually lame philosophical notions I guess.

The movie's dull, over long and unspectacular cross-country road-trip finish speaks for itself.

All of this is really too bad since it's obvious Crowe is a filmmaker who actually cares about creating interesting characters and telling good (if sentimental) stories. Elizabethtown is supposed to be a feel-good crowd pleaser. But I suspect even many indiscriminating viewers will walk away bored.

Moviegoers get it right

Oops, unplanned hiatus.

Did watching the new fall TV shows make me hit a wall? Possibly, but more on that in a future post...

First, some other things that happened in my absence.

There was some sweet justice at the box office two weekends ago. A History of Violence, the fantastic new film from David Cronenberg, placed fourth in its first week of wide release with an $8.1 million gross over three days.

That was good enough to top the first week of Into the Blue by over $1 million. This despite the fact that Into the Blue was playing on over twice as many screens. As the week continued Violence did even better, rising to second place overall.

It's a small victory, but one worth celebrating anyway.

Mostly because Into the Blue sucks, a lot. It's a stale summer season castoff with a notably shocking lack of thrills, narrative drive or anything resembling a plot. It's hard to explain just how mind-numbing watching a film starring Jessica Alba, Paul Walker and Scott Caan in bathing suits can be... or maybe that explains it all. Still, you'd think a movie like this would at least try to be fun or possibly even be bad enough to qualify as a campy guilty pleasure. Instead it's just dull. And it's a box office flop. So hooray.

You don't have to take my word on the film's utter crappiness, check out what Helen and Justin (who is partly to blame for me seeing it) had to say.

Now A History of Violence does not suck, at all. The highly-praised latest film from Canadian mad genius Cronenberg is partly about a strong, silent husband and father of two who runs a small town diner and suddenly finds himself in the news after a couple criminals wander into his place one night. But it's really more about violence, family, sex, masculinity and American myths, cinematic and otherwise. I haven't had a more satisfying experience at the movies all year.

There have been times when I've found Cronenberg's work more intellectually engaging than entertaining (the kinky sex/car wreck mash-up Crash still leaves me cold), but with History of Violence I think he strikes a perfect balance. Halfway through this movie I was literally on the edge of my seat, appreciating what I was seeing as much as I was enjoying it. Credit for that belongs not only with the filmmaker (who will hopefully score his first ever Best Director Oscar nomination for his work here) but also the exceptional cast and Cronenberg's perfectly chosen team of longtime collaborators (including DP Peter Suschitzky, editor Ronald Sanders and composer Howard Shore — all them surefire Oscar contenders as well).

A little more on the cast: Viggo Mortensen plays the lead role and it's possibly his best screen work yet (I haven't seen all of his films, so I can't say for sure). It's one of those freaky pairings of performer and role that is so harmonious it feels like Mortensen was born for the part. Other actors could've done it but I'm not sure anyone could have done it so well (besides maybe Steve McQueen, and he's dead).

The supporting cast is small but powerful. Maria Bello continues to solidify her reputation as one of the most unexpectedly valuable actresses working today (especially in indie films). She's basically the wife, but it's to everyone's credit that her role comes across like so much more. Ashton Holmes plays the son. He's pretty much unknown (his biggest credit is a soap opera) but he makes a major impression here. And the great Ed Harris can justifiably be called "the great Ed Harris" because of performances like this. William Hurt shows up late in the film, and there's a bit too much ham in his performance but it doesn't detract (and in a way it's fitting: one of the film's best qualities is its wickedly off-kilter sense of humor, this is by no means a dour or mournful exploration of violence).

All of that said, A History of Violence is definitely not a film for all audiences. (Just ask my friend Ben.) There is graphic violence (necessary to the story and themes), there is some unconventional sex (ditto) and above all there is the otherworldly Cronenberg touch. Like David Lynch or Lars von Trier, he's an uncommonly unique filmmaker whose work is almost always divisive. There has been talk of this film being "mainstream" Cronenberg, and it probably is his most audience-friendly movie since The Fly, but this is still primarily art house territory. That only makes its box office victory over Into the Blue even more satisfying.

Fall TV: Invasion

Lost is back tonight and Martha Stewart gets her own Apprentice (not to mention Jerry Bruckheimer inflicts yet another new show on America – NBC’s E-Ring) but the one new show I’ve already seen is Invasion.

ABC’s promotions point out that TV Guide and USA Today call it the season’s best new drama. Fair enough. It’s an intriguing sci-fi mystery from executive producer Shaun Cassidy (who was responsible for the high-quality, short-lived horror/mystery American Gothic on CBS several years ago) but, at least initially, it leans a little too heavily on the mystery. It’s slow going in the show’s first half hour with very little action and very little cast charisma. Things perk up considerably when William Fichtner enters the scene as a creepy sheriff who acts so weird that he simply must be an alien (or is he?).

Many people grew frustrated with the way Lost played coy about its big mysteries throughout the first season but the show had already hooked a substantial fanbase thanks to that remarkable two-hour pilot and the twist-heavy exploration of its large ensemble that followed in subsequent weeks. I’m not quite sure Invasion will invite the same viewer generosity. Personally, I’m giving it a couple more weeks before I make up my mind.

Fall TV: My Name is Earl

One new show premieres tonight and it’s already a critical favorite. My Name is Earl on NBC is one of the oft cited "comedy saviors" of the new fall season. It’s not that great, but it’s not too bad either (a common refrain for this season’s best new offerings).

It’s another single-camera half-hour, not as quirky (or smart) as Arrested Development but unconventional in its characters and premise. Scientologist/Kevin Smith regular Jason Lee stars as a dirty, rotten white-trash good for nothing who has an epiphany that involves winning the lottery and Carson Daly that leads to a decision to right his past wrongs. It should give the show plenty of material for the weeks (maybe even months) to come.

The show’s biggest drawback isn’t even its own fault. NBC has scheduled it for Tuesdays at 9, following shrug-inducing reality series The Biggest Loser and leading into last season’s non-event The Office. It also puts the show in direct contention with Fox’s hot House and two shows that join the schedule next week: CBS’ reality darling The Amazing Race and ABC’s promising newcomer Commander-in-Chief. Sure, there’s no comedy in the hour but when the alternatives are that good who cares?

Supporting Lee are the recognizable but relatively unknown Jaime "if-it-wasn’t-for-white-trash-I’d-have-no-career" Pressly, Ethan Suplee, Eddie Steeples and Nadine Velazquez. The girls fare a little better than the boys but no one comes off too bad.

Really, you could do worse than watching an episode of My Name is Earl, just don’t forget that starting next week you’ll have plenty of other options.

Emmy Blahs

Turns out the most prescient Emmy prediction I made this year was this: "[the voters] love to make lazy choices sprinkled with a few unexpected surprises." This year had plenty of lazy choices and even more unexpected surprises than usual. Too bad they were almost all bad.

A few words on the show itself: slow, dull, boring, lifeless. It got off to a perfectly awful start with a ridiculously self indulgent "Emmy memories" segment followed by one of the worst things I've EVER SEEN ON AN AWARDS SHOW - that brain-meltingly bad rendition of September by Earth Wind and Fire joined by the Black Eyed Peas with reworked lyrics that actually included a reference to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Ellen Degeneres perked things up with her usual reliable good humor but even her set felt sedate. Then there were the Emmy Idol performances, the mismatched presenters with godawful scripted banter (what did Lauren Graham ever do to deserve presenting with Jennifer Love Hewitt? the Emmys clearly hate her! and what did America ever do to deserve seeing Mischa Barton and Adrian Grenier on stage together?), the unforgivable misuse of Ellen for the rest of the show... that's even before we get to the winners.

Last night's selections are best summed up by Doris Roberts as outstanding supporting actress in a comedy series (her fourth win for Everybody Loves Raymond) and Patricia Arquette as outstanding lead actress in a drama series (Glenn Close will now never win an Emmy for The Shield, while Frances Conroy has one shot left at winning a statuette for five brilliant seasons as Six Feet Under's Ruth Fisher).

There were very few wins worth celebrating. Sure Felicity Huffman is a terrific actress but why single out the cast member with the weakest material on Desperate Housewives' first season? Just because she's more of a respectable "actress" than co-stars Teri Hatcher or Marcia Cross doesn't make her win any more satisfying, considering the material the other women had and made the most of.

And when television comedy deserves a swift kick in the ass why reward the stale format of Everybody Loves Raymond with another series win instead of the riskier, more dynamic Housewives or Arrested Development? Was it overcompensating for the sad fact Emmy voters didn't even acknowledge that Everybody Loves Raymond existed during its first two seasons? (Yes, that was the time for the show to win, not in 2005.)

Why Brad Garrett? Why Doris Roberts? Why Tony Shalhoub? Why James Spader and William Shatner two years running instead of Ian McShane and Terry O'Quinn just once? Why give the admittedly brilliant Daily Show two awards instead of giving the equally brilliant Ali G at least one? Why honor the atrocious script for The Life and Death of Peter Sellers instead of allowing one of TV's all-time greats, The Office, to win a single Emmy? Why? Why? Why?

At least Lost won, voters did their duty there. And Blythe Danner (even if C.C.H. Pounder deserved it more). And S. Epatha Merkerson. Danner and Merkerson even gave the best speeches (though Huffman's was nice too). Other bright spots of the night included Jon Stewart and Conan O'Brien's bits as presenters (Stewart's reaction shot during the opening number was also priceless) and David Letterman's heartfelt tribute to Johnny Carson.

But as usual the Emmys have made it even harder on themselves for next year. By passing over so many of this year's greats they've got a lot of make-up awards to give, which will only leave next year's most deserving newcomers with unnecessary competition.

Fall TV: Monday nights

I’ll deal with the atrocity of last night’s Emmy Awards later but first a few words on the new series debuting tonight.

Of course if you only watch one thing tonight it should be the third season premiere of Arrested Development. 8 o’clock. Fox. Be there. None of the season’s new shows (on any network, any night) are on this level.

Fortunately, the best of the night’s new shows, Kitchen Confidential, immediately follows on Fox. Alias alum Bradley Cooper stars in the single-camera half-hour comedy loosely based on the adventures of real life "rebel chef" Anthony Bourdain. The opening episode is a little too busy as it introduces a large ensemble cast which includes Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s Nicholas Brendon, Grosse Pointe’s Bonnie Somerville, Freaks and Geeks’ John Francis Daly, Sin City’s Jaime King and Owain Yeoman (apparently he was in Troy, I haven’t seen him before but he’s pretty funny), but as long as the show can make intelligent use of this cast in the weeks to come it should be worth watching (I’m a little disappointed that Harold and Kumar’s John Cho will only appear in the opening episode, his absence not only leaves the show down one talented actor but also with a lily-white cast). Pairing the unconventional and promising comedy with Development makes for a smart hour but one likely to be ratings-challenged. The comedy hour leads into Prison Break and three solid shows make Fox the night’s quality network, but most people will probably be watching CBS…

Raymond is gone (it will never again terrorize the Emmy Awards) but CBS has added two new comedies to its successful Monday line-up. The first is How I Met Your Mother, a sappy and not especially funny show that promises to tell the story of how its lead character fell in love with the woman he would ultimately marry. There’s a twist at the end of the first episode that makes the show even more conventional than it first appears. On the plus side the show does a decent job of sharply defining its characters and the supporting players – Neil Patrick Harris, Buffy’s Allyson Hannigan and Undeclared’s Jason Segal – are all great comic actors (though only Hannigan is at the top of her game in the pilot). The blend of romance and comedy could appeal to the Friends crowd but I’d recommend watching Kitchen Confidential instead.

CBS’ other new comedy, Out of Practice, is more promising. It’s from the Frasier showrunners Joe Keenan and Christopher Lloyd and it shares elements of that series’ sophisticated farcical humor. Stockard Channing and Henry Winkler are the veteran names in the cast, playing the separated parents of three grown children played by Christopher Gorham, Paula Marshall and Ty Burrell. All five of the characters are in the medical profession but at heart this is a dysfunctional family comedy. Jennifer Tilly is also in the cast as Winkler’s new girlfriend (although not in the early pilot that I saw) and as long as Keenan and Lloyd can give these actors material worthy of their talent Out of Practice could emerge as one of those rare laugh-track-comedies that are actually funny.

Also new tonight is alien invasion series Surface on NBC. Each of the three major networks has their own alien invasion series this fall and CBS’ Threshold (which premiered to so-so ratings on Friday but I have yet to check out) is supposedly the classiest while ABC’s Invasion has the cushiest timeslot (following Lost on Wednesdays). Surface stands out in a less desirable way – it’s the cheesiest. In this series the aliens are in the water and are discovered by three different people in three different areas of the U.S. The dialogue is pretty awful, the characters generally uninteresting and the mystery is on the level of the 50s B-movie. There might be some appeal here for younger viewers but hardcore sci-fi fans are probably better off with the other new shows, and everyone else is better off watching Fox.

The other new show of this busy premiere night is Just Legal on the WB. Jay Baruchel (the star of Undeclared and the mentally challenged wannabe boxer in Million Dollar Baby) and Don Johnson star in a legal procedural from exec producer Jerry Bruckheimer. It’s Bruckheimer’s first show to actually get on the air at WB, part of his continued attempt to dominate all of network television. I haven’t seen it but I don’t expect I’m missing very much.

Emmy Predictions: Movies and Series

Variety, Music or Comedy Series
Nominees: Da Ali G Show, The Daily Show, Late Night with Conan O’Brien, Late Show with David Letterman, Real Time with Bill Maher

Should Win: The Daily Show has all the buzz (and really rocked it during Indecision 2004) but the second season of Da Ali G Show was every bit as brilliant as the first, six tight episodes of incisive social and political critiques.

Will Win: The Daily Show has all the buzz.

Should’ve Been Nominated: As far as I can tell they actually got this one right.


Reality Competition
Nominees: The Amazing Race, American Idol, The Apprentice, Project Runway, Survivor

Should Win: The Amazing Race still sets the standard in this field, and the past season saw three separate editions air. Consider this another win for Chip & Kim and Uchenna & Joyce, not Freddy & Kendra.

Will Win: Race already has two Emmys, but that shouldn't stop it from nabbing number three.

Should’ve Been Nominated: Uh, The Starlet? Don’t think so. America’s Next Top Model has its fans but I don’t watch. So I’ll say Nashville Star, since it does the American Idol format better than any show besides Idol, and it doesn’t involve Donald Trump.


TV Movie
Nominees: Lackawanna Blues, The Life and Death of Peter Sellers, The Office Special, Warm Springs, The Wool Cap

Should Win: If I was a TV movie purist I’d say Warm Springs. But I’m not. So even though The Office Special wasn’t really a TV movie it was presented that way for its American TV debut and it was the perfect ending to the best short-lived series ever.

Will Win: Warm Springs should take it provided the voters aren't distracted by the empty flash of Peter Sellers.

Should’ve Been Nominated: I don’t watch enough TV movies to say for sure but I know that Showtime’s slight but snazzy Reefer Madness: The Musical was at least better than the Peter Sellers movie.


Miniseries
Nominees: Elvis, Empire Falls, The 4400, The Lost Prince

Should Win: I’ve only seen two of these and even though The 4400 was really the first season of a series masquerading as a miniseries, Empire Falls put me to sleep.

Will Win: It’ll be hard for Emmy voters to say no to the cast of Empire Falls, but if they do PBS’ no-doubt classy The Lost Prince could pull an upset.

Should’ve Been Nominated: Yeah right.


Drama Series
Nominees: Deadwood, Lost, Six Feet Under, 24, The West Wing

Should Win: Lost made network TV interesting again, 24 delivered a little over half a great season and Six Feet Under was much better than its reputation but Deadwood was the season's best show. Period.

Will Win: Hmm. This would be the perfect time for 24 to sneak in and nab its first win after three previous nominations, Emmy loves to reward great shows at unexpected times. But I doubt it. The HBO shows seem to be out, I guess they're both too good. Even though some think The West Wing will return for its fifth win in six seasons (good lord) I don't think that genre prejudice will stop the Emmys from rewarding network hit Lost. I hope I'm not wrong (unless, of course, one of the HBO shows win).

Should’ve Been Nominated: For the fourth season in a row The Shield was better than ever before.


Comedy Series
Nominees: Arrested Development, Desperate Housewives, Everybody Loves Raymond, Scrubs, Will & Grace

Should Win: Not because the Housewives weren’t great, they were, but Arrested Development was still TV’s best comedy in its second season.

Will Win: By giving an award to Desperate Housewives Emmy voters can not only reward a great genre-defying show, but also reward something that people actually watch.

Should’ve Been Nominated: Two words: Gilmore Girls.

Season Premieres: Survivor

Uh oh, this show is back.

And the one thing to discuss is the latest Big Twist courtesy of Mark Burnett: two former Survivors are back in the game. At the start of the show they were announced as a surprise and randomly matched to the two new tribes (which were already chosen before the show began). The players are Stephanie and Bobby Jon, the scrappy duo who ultimately made up Survivor's first ever tribe-of-two last season.

Of course the twist leaked out ahead of time, but watching it still felt disconcerting. It was if Survivor decided to take a page out of timeslot-rival The OC's self-referential playbook. There was more onscreen awareness than ever before that everyone is there to play Survivor, a TV game show. The other players were genuinely excited to see Steph and Bobby Jon and treated them like celebrities (conveniently distracting from the former NFL player hidden in plain sight). And the former players are able to give their teams advice on how best to approach challenges, not because they’ve seen the show on TV but because they’ve played it. That sort of openness is odd for a show that is usually so protective of the particular brand of fly-on-the-wall voyeurism it sells (taken to such extremes that during interviews with contestants who have been voted out the booted player will often refer to other players as still being at the location, even though filming has long since wrapped). But it’s not unwelcome.

The impact on the first episode was both good and bad. There was an immediate entry point with contestants, a familiarity, that usually takes time to develop, but Steph and Bobby Jon took up so much of the screen time and story interest that it was even harder than usual to get to know the new players (at least the ones who weren't vomiting their insides out, or the nurse who tended to them). When it came time to kick someone off it was pretty obvious it would be the 100-year-old man but, poor guy, we hardly even met him before it was time for him to go.

My biggest concern is the twist messing with one of the best dynamics of Survivor: the players have no previous knowledge of each other and only form relationships and opinions of each other during the game. The absence of that turned All Stars into a wretched parody of a typical Survivor season, the kind of stereotypical reality-TV trash that Survivor (narrowly) manages to avoid. But I don't think this idea will turn out nearly as bad as All Stars (or even the disastrous "Outcast tribe" idea several seasons back). Steph and Bobby Jon will have to work extra hard to even stay in the game. On a show that loves to mess with its audience this development is one more distraction from the same old, same old.

Emmy Predictions: Dramatic Performances

Supporting Actor
Nominees: Alan Alda (The West Wing), Naveen Andrews (Lost), Terry O'Quinn (Lost), Oliver Platt (Huff), William Shatner (Boston Legal)

Should Win: It's hard to stand out when your show focuses on a different character seemingly every week but O'Quinn somehow did exactly that.

Will Win: I honestly think any of these guys could win, but Andrews might be too fresh and Shatner already won for the role (not that that means anything). O'Quinn has a shot and Platt's work is undeniable but Alda has already been nominated for a Tony and an Oscar this year, is a respected Emmy vet and was supposedly out-of-this-world great on the show.

Should've Been Nominated: Anthony Anderson was nothing short of revelatory in his season-long arc on The Shield.


Supporting Actress
Nominees: Stockard Channing (The West Wing), Tyne Daly (Judging Amy), Blythe Danner (Huff), Sandra Oh (Grey's Anatomy), C.C.H. Pounder (The Shield)

Should Win: When the nominations were announced nothing made me happier than seeing C.C.H. Pounder's name on the list. Now, if she actually wins...

Will Win: I'm not sure I even want to know. Word is Daly has an edge since her character on the show had a heart attack (and she's been an upset winner in the past). But I do sort of think Blythe Danner has to win for one of her three nominations. She already lost comedy guest actress and probably won't win for her TV movie. Considering the voters will have to watch Huff they'll see a great actress elevating a mediocre role, that should do the trick.

Should've Been Nominated: The absence of Deadwood ladies Robin Weigert and Paula Malcolmson is inexcusable. And I call her lead but Emmy calls her supporting, whatever you call her Lauren Ambrose deserved a nomination.


Actress
Nominees: Patricia Arquette (Medium), Glenn Close (The Shield), Frances Conroy (Six Feet Under), Jennifer Garner (Alias), Mariska Hargitay (Law & Order: SVU)

Should Win: Close. No contest. Not because she's an Oscar nominee but because she effortlessly became a part of a brilliant ensemble and elevated an already great show in the process.

Will Win: Close. See above. (But there is an unhealthy amount of Internet-buzz for Hargitay and there would be worse things than Conroy winning an Emmy.)

Should've Been Nominated: Jennifer Beals. Who knew? Anyone who watched the second season of The L Word.


Actor
Nominees: Hank Azaria (Huff), Hugh Laurie (House), Ian McShane (Deadwood), James Spader (Boston Legal), Kiefer Sutherland (24)

Should Win: McShane continued to captivate on Deadwood, even when his character was silenced by kidney stones.

Will Win: Back in December I really thought McShane would have this all locked up, and watching the show's second season only confirmed that. But buzz for Laurie is so strong that he's jumped to the front of this odd pack.

Should've Been Nominated: Where do I even begin? Well with Michael C. Hall I guess, the fourth season was his best ever on Six Feet Under. The Shield's previous winner Michael Chiklis and Rescue Me's Denis Leary were especially worthy as well.

Emmy Predictions: Comedic Performances

The post that begins my predictions for this year's major Emmy winners (which will be announced this Sunday to viewer apathy in a low-rated telecast). Huzzah!

(Remember Emmy voters suck and when it comes to picking winners they love to make lazy choices sprinkled with a few unexpected surprises every bit as much as when they're picking nominees, so don't go to Vegas based on what I say.)

Supporting Actor
Nominees: Peter Boyle (Everybody Loves Raymond), Brad Garrett (Everybody Loves Raymond), Sean Hayes (Will & Grace), Jeremy Piven (Entourage), Jeffrey Tambor (Arrested Development)

Should Win: I wouldn't care much if they canceled this category entirely but I'd vote for Tambor.

Will Win: Since Boyle is the only major Raymond cast member to never win many are expecting him to take it, but Piven will probably "upset" for a performance that everyone in Hollywood seems to adore. Then again, Emmys being Emmys, watch Hayes win this for no good reason at all.

Should've Been Nominated: Do you even have to ask? Arrested Development's Will Arnett (and Michael Cera and Tony Hale).


Supporting Actress
Nominees: Conchata Ferrell (Two and a Half Men), Megan Mullally (Will & Grace), Doris Roberts (Everybody Loves Raymond), Holland Taylor (Two and a Half Men), Jessica Walter (Arrested Development)

Should Win: There is no woman funnier than Jessica Walter on television right now (ok, besides Lauren Graham, maybe).

Will Win: This is being billed as a battle between the overbearing mothers but if Holland Taylor somehow wins, and no disrespect to the talented actress stuck in a mediocre show, I'm really hoping the ghost of Nancy Marchand will immediately strike her dead right there on the stage. Smart choice is Walter, safe choice is Roberts (who has already won three times for her role). This is the Emmys. Roberts it is.

Should've Been Nominated: Gilmore Girls' Kelly Bishop deserves to be one of those overbearing moms in contention.


Actress
Nominees: Marcia Cross (Desperate Housewives), Teri Hatcher (Desperate Housewives), Patricia Heaton (Everybody Loves Raymond), Felicity Huffman (Desperate Housewives), Jane Kaczmarek (Malcolm in the Middle)

Should Win: Cross puts up a good fight but Housewives' first season belonged to Hatcher.

Will Win: Hatcher seems to have a lock with her real life comeback story but there could be sentiment to go with scene-stealing Cross or if the Housewives split votes Kaczmarek could pick up her first ever win (and lots and lots of attention).

Should've Been Nominated: Both Lauren Graham and Eva Longoria truly belong here.


Actor
Nominees: Jason Bateman (Arrested Development), Zach Braff (Garde...er, Scrubs), Eric McCormick (Will & Grace), Ray Romano (Everybody Loves Raymond), Tony Shalhoub (Monk)

Should Win: Bateman.

Will Win: Word is that Bateman and Braff submitted subpar episodes for consideration but Shalhoub picked a great one. Who am I to argue with Emmy geeks? (Seriously, if you think my site is geeky check out Awards Heaven or the Gold Derby discussion boards.)

Should've Been Nominated: Emmy is racist. Yeah I said it. How else to explain the absence of Bernie Mac (ok people forgot his show was even on last season...) or Kevin Hill's Taye Diggs (ok, ok, people didn't even know that show existed and it probably was submitted as a drama anyway... I'm just saying).