Emmy Blahs

Turns out the most prescient Emmy prediction I made this year was this: "[the voters] love to make lazy choices sprinkled with a few unexpected surprises." This year had plenty of lazy choices and even more unexpected surprises than usual. Too bad they were almost all bad.

A few words on the show itself: slow, dull, boring, lifeless. It got off to a perfectly awful start with a ridiculously self indulgent "Emmy memories" segment followed by one of the worst things I've EVER SEEN ON AN AWARDS SHOW - that brain-meltingly bad rendition of September by Earth Wind and Fire joined by the Black Eyed Peas with reworked lyrics that actually included a reference to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Ellen Degeneres perked things up with her usual reliable good humor but even her set felt sedate. Then there were the Emmy Idol performances, the mismatched presenters with godawful scripted banter (what did Lauren Graham ever do to deserve presenting with Jennifer Love Hewitt? the Emmys clearly hate her! and what did America ever do to deserve seeing Mischa Barton and Adrian Grenier on stage together?), the unforgivable misuse of Ellen for the rest of the show... that's even before we get to the winners.

Last night's selections are best summed up by Doris Roberts as outstanding supporting actress in a comedy series (her fourth win for Everybody Loves Raymond) and Patricia Arquette as outstanding lead actress in a drama series (Glenn Close will now never win an Emmy for The Shield, while Frances Conroy has one shot left at winning a statuette for five brilliant seasons as Six Feet Under's Ruth Fisher).

There were very few wins worth celebrating. Sure Felicity Huffman is a terrific actress but why single out the cast member with the weakest material on Desperate Housewives' first season? Just because she's more of a respectable "actress" than co-stars Teri Hatcher or Marcia Cross doesn't make her win any more satisfying, considering the material the other women had and made the most of.

And when television comedy deserves a swift kick in the ass why reward the stale format of Everybody Loves Raymond with another series win instead of the riskier, more dynamic Housewives or Arrested Development? Was it overcompensating for the sad fact Emmy voters didn't even acknowledge that Everybody Loves Raymond existed during its first two seasons? (Yes, that was the time for the show to win, not in 2005.)

Why Brad Garrett? Why Doris Roberts? Why Tony Shalhoub? Why James Spader and William Shatner two years running instead of Ian McShane and Terry O'Quinn just once? Why give the admittedly brilliant Daily Show two awards instead of giving the equally brilliant Ali G at least one? Why honor the atrocious script for The Life and Death of Peter Sellers instead of allowing one of TV's all-time greats, The Office, to win a single Emmy? Why? Why? Why?

At least Lost won, voters did their duty there. And Blythe Danner (even if C.C.H. Pounder deserved it more). And S. Epatha Merkerson. Danner and Merkerson even gave the best speeches (though Huffman's was nice too). Other bright spots of the night included Jon Stewart and Conan O'Brien's bits as presenters (Stewart's reaction shot during the opening number was also priceless) and David Letterman's heartfelt tribute to Johnny Carson.

But as usual the Emmys have made it even harder on themselves for next year. By passing over so many of this year's greats they've got a lot of make-up awards to give, which will only leave next year's most deserving newcomers with unnecessary competition.